On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
