What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
