Well douche your snatch and let's go!
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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