I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
