You're completely useless in the revolution.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
