I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
whose parrot is this?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
