can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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