evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
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Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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