drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
