honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
