I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
