I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize