are you so shy because you have an std?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
