I will die if light touches me.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
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