i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
