he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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