So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
