We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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