dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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