I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
