Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize