just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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