You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
