Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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