By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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