First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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