capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
