Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
