You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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