if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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