planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
