Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
