hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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