We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
