Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
