my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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