I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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