question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
