I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
