Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
