would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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