well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
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I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
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Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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