Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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