Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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