it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
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I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
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Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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