Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
