If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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