That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
