so that wasnt chicken after all
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
