false alarm. still invincible.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
