Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
