i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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