My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
