i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
