he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
