I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
