just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
