i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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