Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She's the barista slut.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
