Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How external is "for external use only"?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
