Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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