i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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