You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
