The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
