Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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