You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Randomize
