Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
