Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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