There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So apparently I’m into choking now
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
