yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
