oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
