We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
