My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Are we still banned from the library?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
