i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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