My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You are a booty call, not a friend.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
