Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
