I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
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dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
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Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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