there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
